Book Category: Humor

Book Description: Do you cringe and experience hot chills up and down your back when you hear your wife say to you. "I want you to take me to the Mall?" Well if this does happen to you, then I have some trade secrets to share with you. I have learned a system at no cost that turned my misery into a bit of pleasure, and if you really want to get a handle on this feeling, then I urge you to consider the suggestions and instructions that I am willing to share and pass along to you in this book. It most likely will save you from a lot of grief and future torture the next time you are requested to go to the Mall with your wife.

Publisher: Hearts on Fire Press/(www.heartsonfirebooks.com/)

CHAPTER 1

"LEARNING TO COPE"

Does the words, "Let's go to the mall" instantly send hot chills up and down your back every time you hear them spoken? Does this famous saying automatically change your personality from Teddy bear, to a roaring Lion? Do they quickly bring to your mind unfinished household chores that you have been putting off doing, and now you have decided it's a good time to get them started? Do you suddenly feel a bad case of indigestion coming on, every time she speaks the magic word, "the mall?"

If these words really bother you, then there is not a thing to worry about, because there is not one thing wrong with you. You are healthy, well sane, typical American male that just hates the mall. I once suffered all these ailments, every time I would hear my wife speak the words, and it was as if I was being punished for working so hard all week. Something that I never could understand was why a wife would ever mention wanting her husband to go with her to the mall, when there are so many other women making the same plans.

Why didn't they form a sort of a car pool where they could all go together, and call it a "mall pool?" It is like imposing a twenty-year sentence on a prisoner, after he has already been condemned to death. Why couldn't the wife just pick up the phone and make plans with her sisters or another wife, and just go peaceably without incident. But no, they have to somehow screw up your day off and turn a well-planned day of rest and recuperation into a day of miserable and madness. Even if she would tell me on Friday evening that she wanted to go on Sunday, it would still be enough to upset me. I knew that my whole weekend would be completely shot, just thinking about those miserable few hours that I would have to spend at that dreadful place called the mall.

Now most men that I know are really cowards when it comes to standing up to their wives and just refuse to go. I have learned that the wife has many different ways of getting back at you if you refuse to go along with her plans. It is odd, but we men can build spaceships, fight wars, send men to the moon, run large factories, but we are nothing but cowards when it canes to standing up to our wives demands.

We all know that a mall is just a place to gather and kill time. It is not a place to shop. It is a place to visit away from home, but to me it is like visiting a zoo. When it really comes down to doing the serious shopping, than you head for the local retail store, which is usually located less than a mile from your home. So why does the wife want you to go to the mall? Just to make you miserable for a few hours is the only reason I can think of. You are no help to her. If she does buy something, she never does ask your opinion or ever consults you on anything that she plans to buy.

I would much rather be killing time at home on my couch, watching my favorite sporting event, but she does not want to see you enjoying yourself on your day off from work. She'd much rather see you walking about two paces behind her "pussyfooting" through the bra and panty section of her favorite store hangout.