1. You have the bladder capacity of five people.
  2. You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
  3. You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.
  4. Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery and a car chase.
  5. You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you.
  6. Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.
  7. You find humor in other people’s stupidity.
  8. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills.
  9. You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
  10. You have your weekends off planned for a year.
  11. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
  12. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, it sure is quiet tonight.”

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